Saturday, August 27, 2011

Mormon Funerals

The day after I was called to be a Bishop, I went down to Mr. Mac's in American Fork and my wife helped me choose a dark suit that would be appropriate for conducting a funeral. I have now served as Bishop long enough to conduct several funerals. My responsibilities are typically to visit with family members ahead of time to finalize the program and make sure the details are all taken care of for both the funeral and the customary open casket viewing the night before. Sometimes I have to coordinate the building schedule. I generally ask our ward music chair to arrange for a chorister and organist.  The Relief Society will usually have met with the family before me, and the sisters are terrific - well organized, more experienced than I am, and wonderfully compassionate. I preside at the private gathering where family members have a few moments alone with the body of the deceased before the funeral directors close the casket. A family member usually offers a family prayer. I then precede the family into the chapel, and as I take my place on the stand the audience quiets down. As the casket followed by family members enters the chapel, I ask the audience to rise. When everyone is in place, I ask the audience to be seated. I then conduct the service which generally follows an outline printed in the funeral program. Typically after my welcome, we have an opening congregational hymn and prayer followed by a life sketch and speakers alternating with special musical numbers. I get the last word unless a member of the  Stake Presidency is in attendance and wishes to exercise his right to be the final speaker. If the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been well-preached in the service, I limit my remarks to some personal insights into the personality and character of the deceased and bear my testimony. If the Gospel has been conspicuous by its absence during the service, I explain the plan of salvation before honoring the deceased and bearing my testimony.
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I really enjoyed Orville Gunther's funeral in our meetinghouse in January, 2007. Pres. Thomas S. Monson arrived late due to a busy schedule. He was First Counselor in the First Presidency at the time, so as the presiding authority, he was the final speaker. He hustled out of the chapel as soon as his talk was finished, on to another meeting. A chorus of Pres. Gunther's missionaries from the South German Mission sang "Called to Serve" in German. It was a splendid meeting.
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After the service in the chapel, I ask the audience to rise and the casket bearers to take their place by the funeral door. I then preside again at the graveside service where a family member performs the Melchizedek Priesthood ordinance of dedicating the grave. I visit with family members until I sense that the cemetery gathering is breaking up, at which time I text the Relief Society sisters working in the kitchen at the ward meetinghouse that the family is on their way. Generally, dozens to hundreds of family members (we try to estimate this pretty carefully, but we are often surprised) gather in the meetinghouse cultural hall for a luncheon that turns into a large, impromptu family reunion. Again, I conduct the meeting, welcome family members, thank the Relief Society for setting up the hall and providing the food, call on a family member to offer a blessing on the food, etc. While folks are filling their plates, eating or visiting, people come up to the microphone and tell story after story about the deceased, many of them quite hilarious. I am usually one of the last to go through the food line. The Relief Society Compassionate Service Committee seems to enjoy feeding the Bishop and I certainly don't object - they are very good cooks. As the improvised family reunion is about to break up, I start putting away the tables and chairs. Active Latter-day Saint family members invariably come and help - they know the drill. Family members who are less active or not of our faith usually stand around slightly bewildered, not quite sure what to make of this do-it-yourself janitorial work going on around them. By this time, one or two of the husbands of the Relief Society sisters has usually arrived and they help clean the cultural hall (we dry mop the hardwood basketball floor after every meal event), take the trash out to the dumpster, lock up, etc. When I am satisfied that everything is under control, I visit with a member of the Relief Society Presidency about needy families in the ward who could use the leftover funeral food and then I go home or return to work. Obviously, out of town burials complicate the logistics.
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Some general observations about Mormon funerals:

  • Few people wear black. Widows do not wear a mourning veil. The mood is generally somber, dignified, but joyous. We honor and celebrate the life of the deceased. There is a lot of talk about happy reunions on the other side. 
  • Hundreds of people often file past the family members at the viewing. Far fewer generally attend the funeral service itself.
  • Humor is ubiquitous as people recount good times, personality quirks, embarrassing moments, etc. 
  • Earth burial is preferred, cremation is allowed. 
  • Active Latter-day Saint families tend to prefer viewings and funerals in the ward meetinghouse. Other families often feel more comfortable in a mortuary chapel. Families can consider a broader range of music, for example, if the event is held in a mortuary. The Church publishes guidelines about music and instruments (no brass or percussion, for instance - Mormons don't do praise bands) appropriate to maintain dignity in an LDS chapel. The luncheon is almost always in the meetinghouse.
  • Rudy Giuliani's famous couplet "weddings are optional, funerals are mandatory" pretty much holds true in Mormon culture. Funerals trump all other events on a meetinghouse schedule.
  • Endowed members are buried in Temple ceremonial clothing. The Temple theme of eternal families is prominent.
  • Family members who hold Temple recommends can perform Temple ordinances for their deceased loved ones one year after death. Funerals tend to be wake up calls for family backsliders who have never been through the Temple, or who are not currently Temple worthy.    

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Labyrinth Canyon

On August 17, 2011 10 of us left our meetinghouse at 7:00 a.m. in 2 vehicles towing 6 canoes. About 3 hours later, we began unloading our gear at Green River State Park on the southern edge of Green River, Utah. After some last minute shopping and paperwork, we had lunch and put in the river. First stop was Crystal Geyser about four miles downriver. The river was running about 5,500 cubic feet per second, down considerably from its high water mark a month or so earlier. Our first camp site was just above Ruby Ranch near the confluence of the San Rafael with the Green. The mud was so thick as we piled out of our canoes that we all sunk in up to our thighs and had our boat shoes sucked off our feet as we labored to extricate ourselves onto dry ground. After a hearty supper, we entertained ourselves watching or playing a game of old sow.  My brand new REI half dome 2+ tent and Thermarest sleeping system worked flawlessly and I got a good night's sleep for the first time in three tries accompanying the youth of our ward on their outdoor adventures.
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On August 18, we entered Labyrinth Canyon with red sandstone cliffs rising hundreds of feet on either side of the river. It felt like I was paddling through Capitol Reef or Canyonlands National Parks with spectacular scenery unfolding around every bend. My favorite spots were the shady areas where the shear canyon walls blocked the sunlight until late morning. Late in the afternoon, a thunderstorm and sand storm forced us to bivouac for an hour on a sand wash. We took out at Hey Joe Mine and ran the gauntlet through mosquito infested riverbanks to camp on a hillside about 200 feet above the river. As we all zipped up our tents for the night, we entrapped hundreds of mosquitoes and spent the next 30 minutes hunting them down with flashlights and killing them. I finally eliminated the mosquitoes inside my tent, but I had the rain fly up so I had to endure the buzzing sound all night from the dozens of mosquitoes that took up residence in the small air space between the rain fly and the tent proper. The stars in the night sky were splendid and the view from the camping toilet would impress even a South Korean. (South Korea is famous for public restrooms in scenic settings with impressive views.)
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On August 19 we paddled furiously through bow know bend so we could have some time in the afternoon to lash the canoes together and simply float or play in the water. I floated with just my life jacket for about 2 glorious miles before clambering aboard my canoe again for the take out at Mineral Bottom. We were met by ward members who cooked a steak dinner for us and we valiantly fought off the mosquitoes since all of us had long since run out of insect repellent. Most of the group huddled in a tent to keep the biting critters at bay while 2 drivers returned to Green River State Park and shuttled the 2 original vehicles back to pick us up. With pesky insects spurring us on, we loaded up the canoes and all of our gear in record time and made it back to Green River State Park before midnight. With green grass, showers, shade trees and relatively few bugs, our overnight in the Park seemed positively luxurious. After another wonderful breakfast and a stopover in Price for gas and shakes, we were back home in American Fork by about 1:30 p.m.
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Bishops go on outings with the youth to develop a rapport that is hard to achieve in any other way. I had many chances to visit with our young men individually and in groups. We talked about school, jobs, sports, girls, cars, missions, video games, their families, why God created mosquitoes, etc. When I gave an evening fireside chat about the requirements to get a temple recommend, I had their complete and undivided attention and they asked some excellent questions. That was the highlight of the trip for me - time with the youth and their leaders. The magnificent southern Utah red rock canyon scenery was a bonus. Other impressions:

  • It takes a lot of paddling to go 66 river miles in 3 days. Floating, we only averaged 1.9 miles per hour.
  • Paddling a 2 man canoe efficiently takes real teamwork.
  • Squishing an engorged mosquito spatters blood on your tent.
  • 100% DEET doesn't provide protection nearly as long as it promises on the label.
  • Dozens of turkey vultures huddled on a sandbar is quite a sight.
  • Denis Julien left his French graffito on the Labyrinth Canyon walls in May, 1836. I would like to know more about the man and his travels.
  • The 1869 John Wesley Powell expedition still casts a long shadow over these Colorado Plateau waterways.
  • When the mosquitoes are so thick that you inhale one in each nostril, it is hard to breathe, so you gulp air and get several inside your mouth. At that point, you are not sure whether to spit first or blow your nose. 
  • Sea kayaks are much faster than canoes on a river like the Green, and they can paddle upstream, but they can't carry much gear. A hybrid kayak/canoe expedition would be great fun.
  • I kept imagining a canoe outfitted with solar panels, a deep cycle marine battery, and an electric boat motor. 

Thursday, August 11, 2011

2,100 Miles and 3 Minutes

On Saturday, August 6, our newest grandson was blessed in San Antonio, Texas. He was born in Boston a month earlier and my wife spent a week there taking care of the newborn, his mother, and the other family members. When it came time for the blessing, though, it was my turn to travel because a baby blessing is a Melchizedek Priesthood ordinance. I caught a 5:00 p.m. Friday flight to San Antonio and a few hours later held my grandson for the first time in a motel lobby. Family members continued gathering that night and the following morning. By 10:45 a.m. on Saturday we had all the right people assembled at the Stone Oak Chapel on the north side of San Antonio. Some 8-year-old youths were baptized and confirmed, and then the family convened for the baby blessing. My son gave a splendid blessing that lasted perhaps 3 minutes. I was part of the circle with  my right hand holding the baby up and my left hand on my son's shoulder. The baby's maternal grandfather was also in the circle along with various other adult male family members. After some photographs and pleasantries, I hustled out of the meetinghouse and headed back to the airport to catch a return flight. I landed in Salt Lake with my suit and tie still on and my wife whisked me back to American Fork so I could attend a ward member's wedding. Rudy Giuliani taught us in his excellent book Leadership that weddings are optional, but funerals are mandatory. Nevertheless, in LDS culture weddings are very important and most Bishops go out of their way to be there for their ward members.
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Summation of my trip:

  • duration - 23 hours
  • miles traveled - 2,100
  • cost - $800 and change
All that for a 3 minute priesthood ordinance. One of our wonderful Mormon children's songs is entitled "Families Can Be Together Forever". I believe it and I consider the effort required to participate in my grandchildren's priesthood ordinances a small investment that will yield sizable returns.

REI

After we were married in the Salt Lake Temple in 1976, my wife and I honeymooned in the California Redwoods. Early in that trip, we stopped at the REI store near Berkeley and purchased some great camping gear, including a matched pair of down mummy bags that are still in good shape today, except that we have lost one of the stuff sacks. In my college days, I ran around with friends who bore testimonies of The Book of Mormon and Kelty packs. Among that crowd, a visit to an REI store (there were very few of them in those days) was almost a quasi-religious experience.
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During the intervening years, my wife and I haven't done much camping. We are more inclined toward books, international travel and the fine arts. I have shopped at REI a time or two, but for the most part I considered the outdoor adventure phase of my life pretty much over. Then I was called as a Bishop.
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One of my major responsibilities is to shepherd the youth of our ward. It is not enough to just see them at Church on Sunday. I need to be with them on activities. The reason the LDS Church is such a strong supporter of the Boy Scouts of America is because a young man in extreme circumstances - rappelling down a cliff, say, or midway through a fifty mile hike, can often feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost. The outdoor adventure part of scouting offers Church leaders a wonderful environment for influencing boys. (I am chagrined to admit that even after more than fifty years as an active Mormon, I had to go to Woodbadge to finally learn this fundamental concept.) So, as a Bishop responsible for guiding dozens of young people, I need to spend quite a bit of time in the next few years hiking, camping, backpacking, canoeing, etc. After decades of neglect, I lacked most of the gear one needs to sleep, cook, hydrate, shelter, paddle or ambulate in the wild with some degree of comfort. So, I tracked down my REI member number which required a phone call to the Seattle area. My number from the '70's was still valid, and boxes of REI gear have been arriving on my doorstep ever since. I'll soon be outfitted like a K2 summiteer, but with a prominent middle-aged spread. As a friend of mine likes to say, "I once had the chiseled look of a Greek god, but then my metabolism went north, my appetite went south, and things just sort of spun out of control."

Priesthood Tent & Glitter Toes

Our ward held Girl's Camp at Yuba Lake this year and I went along as one of the male leaders. LDS practice requires two Melchizedek Priesthood holders to be on-site at Girl's Camp in case someone needs a priesthood blessing. A wonderful High Priest whom the girls affectionately called "Grandpa" slept in his RV. That left me alone in the "priesthood tent" pitched a short distance from the rest of the camp. This arrangement gave all of us a modicum of privacy while enabling me to spend several days of quality time with the young women and their leaders. Girl's Camp is typically a delightful blend of outdoor activities, crafts, socializing, singing, theatrics, leadership skills training and spirituality. Highlights generally include skits around the campfire and a powerful testimony meeting. I have been a priesthood holder at Girl's Camp in prior years, and the young women leaders in our ward have enough footage of goofy antics around campfires to effectively blackmail me should I ever run for public office. A first for me this time, though, was having my toenails painted with glitter polish. At the first business meeting I attended after Girl's Camp, I took off one of my shoes & socks and showed some colleagues my glitter toes. Everyone in the room roared with laughter. My wife, on the other hand, was not so enthused. After a few days she finally convinced me to remove the nail polish. After all, I would be going on a river trip with the Priests soon, and it just wouldn't send the right signal to my young charges aspiring to manhood for the Bishop to show up with glitter toes.