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I really enjoyed Orville Gunther's funeral in our meetinghouse in January, 2007. Pres. Thomas S. Monson arrived late due to a busy schedule. He was First Counselor in the First Presidency at the time, so as the presiding authority, he was the final speaker. He hustled out of the chapel as soon as his talk was finished, on to another meeting. A chorus of Pres. Gunther's missionaries from the South German Mission sang "Called to Serve" in German. It was a splendid meeting.
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After the service in the chapel, I ask the audience to rise and the casket bearers to take their place by the funeral door. I then preside again at the graveside service where a family member performs the Melchizedek Priesthood ordinance of dedicating the grave. I visit with family members until I sense that the cemetery gathering is breaking up, at which time I text the Relief Society sisters working in the kitchen at the ward meetinghouse that the family is on their way. Generally, dozens to hundreds of family members (we try to estimate this pretty carefully, but we are often surprised) gather in the meetinghouse cultural hall for a luncheon that turns into a large, impromptu family reunion. Again, I conduct the meeting, welcome family members, thank the Relief Society for setting up the hall and providing the food, call on a family member to offer a blessing on the food, etc. While folks are filling their plates, eating or visiting, people come up to the microphone and tell story after story about the deceased, many of them quite hilarious. I am usually one of the last to go through the food line. The Relief Society Compassionate Service Committee seems to enjoy feeding the Bishop and I certainly don't object - they are very good cooks. As the improvised family reunion is about to break up, I start putting away the tables and chairs. Active Latter-day Saint family members invariably come and help - they know the drill. Family members who are less active or not of our faith usually stand around slightly bewildered, not quite sure what to make of this do-it-yourself janitorial work going on around them. By this time, one or two of the husbands of the Relief Society sisters has usually arrived and they help clean the cultural hall (we dry mop the hardwood basketball floor after every meal event), take the trash out to the dumpster, lock up, etc. When I am satisfied that everything is under control, I visit with a member of the Relief Society Presidency about needy families in the ward who could use the leftover funeral food and then I go home or return to work. Obviously, out of town burials complicate the logistics.
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Some general observations about Mormon funerals:
- Few people wear black. Widows do not wear a mourning veil. The mood is generally somber, dignified, but joyous. We honor and celebrate the life of the deceased. There is a lot of talk about happy reunions on the other side.
- Hundreds of people often file past the family members at the viewing. Far fewer generally attend the funeral service itself.
- Humor is ubiquitous as people recount good times, personality quirks, embarrassing moments, etc.
- Earth burial is preferred, cremation is allowed.
- Active Latter-day Saint families tend to prefer viewings and funerals in the ward meetinghouse. Other families often feel more comfortable in a mortuary chapel. Families can consider a broader range of music, for example, if the event is held in a mortuary. The Church publishes guidelines about music and instruments (no brass or percussion, for instance - Mormons don't do praise bands) appropriate to maintain dignity in an LDS chapel. The luncheon is almost always in the meetinghouse.
- Rudy Giuliani's famous couplet "weddings are optional, funerals are mandatory" pretty much holds true in Mormon culture. Funerals trump all other events on a meetinghouse schedule.
- Endowed members are buried in Temple ceremonial clothing. The Temple theme of eternal families is prominent.
- Family members who hold Temple recommends can perform Temple ordinances for their deceased loved ones one year after death. Funerals tend to be wake up calls for family backsliders who have never been through the Temple, or who are not currently Temple worthy.